Senioritis? I think YES

I feel like school is the scary part of a horror movie right now.
I just wanna cover my eyes until someone tells me it's over and safe to look again.

Ted Out

So, after having a huge Ted out moment full of what if's and then what's last night I've finally managed to clear my head enough to think about it calmly and rationally.

Like I said, in 16 weeks I will have received my biology degree, then what? What if my GPA isn't high enough? What if I don't get a good score on the GRE (a test which consists of absolutely nothing I've been studying the last 5 years. e.g. math and english)? What if I don't get into PT school? Then what? What do I do? Where do I go? Will I be happy?

I suppose these are all appropriate things one should be concerned about when considering the future. How can one even begin to achieve a bright future without so much as an outline of a plan? Aside from absolutely despising the fact that my future rides on 2 numbers and what other people think of those numbers, I am more disturbed by confidently knowing I am completely capable of PT school. Getting there is the part that scares me because it has nothing to do with how capable I know I am, it has everything to do with how capable others think I am.

So, it's not like I'm freaking out over nothing, and I was once told it's better to overreact than underreact. I'm still not quite sure how much I agree with that statement, however in this case I find it to be true. I guess I would much rather be worried about it and do what I can than think I have this in the bag and be wrong.

What do I do? is the question I asked a very good friend of mine last night.
Besides having the utmost confidence in me ("you're smart and empowered enough that whatever you want in this world can be yours"), the answer I got was:"What do you mean, "what do I do"? What are your options? Stay where you are, get worse, or get better. Seems like a pretty easy choice to me."
I don't think I could've gotten a better response.

For the most part, I'm very happy with my life but sometimes I wish I was where I plan to be rather than where I am now. I get in some unnecessary hurry, and truth be told, there's no such thing as hurrying time. In times like these I can't help but refer back to the joke Stella told Ted.

"I talked my way outta a speeding ticket one time, when I got pulled over the cop walked up to my window and said, 'young lady, I have been waiting here for you all day.' And I looked at him and said, 'I'm sorry, officer, I got here as fast as I could.'" Every time I get in a hurry this always pops into my mind bringing me some kind of comfort and reminding me that I'll get wherever I'm going as fast as I can get there.

There's No Comforting in the Waiting Room

In 16 weeks, I will be a University of Central Oklahoma graduate with a Bachelor's in Biology.

So, what next?
Great question. I gotta couple of ideas though. I think.

Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about the end of December. I've been waiting for this for what seems like forever and after it gets here I sure as hell am not staying in Oklahoma. One thing's for certain is I don't plan on going back to school for at least a year after graduation. So, what're the options:
1. Move to Denver.
2. Move to Wisconsin
3. Stay living at home and travel. A. Lot.



I always have made a majority of my decisions based on what I think will make me happiest. Not what would be mor beneficial. Not what I want. Not what others want. Because in the end if I don't do what makes me happiest, I will inevitably be unhappiest with my choice. Problem is this time, I have no earthly idea which of these options would make me happiest, so how do I even begin planning?




To be quite honest, at the present time moving to Denver makes the most sense. I honestly don't really have a reason NOT to go to Denver. I could easily live there. I could more easily get a job. After a year, I could go to school. Pretty much end of story.
Wisconsin, I'd be taken a chance big time. The bad thing about chance is they have the possibility of ending horribly and I'm not in the position for something to end horribly. But c'est la vie. What's life if you don't take chances?

Staying at home. Well, Oklahoma.....sucks. I love my friends, I love the city, I love the places I go, I love my jobs (for the most part). Hard to see how a place sucks when I love so many things. I was just presented with an opportunity yesterday to get into the hospital working with physical therapy at the spine hospital. That would be some kind of amazing. Fingers crossed. I suppose I feel like I need to get out when I have the chance because I don't want to be 'stuck here.' I know in my heart I would never be completely happy living here. Or maybe I would and I just don't know it without having tried other places. Who says I can't always come back. Regardless, I'm hoping life presents itself like it always seems to and I end up on the right path.

life is what happens when you are busy making other plans

When are we truly ourselves?

I was once told I was an odd soul.
I suppose they were accurate in that accusation.
I'm the farthest thing from perfect
I am an absolute enigma.
My mind is dexterous
My intuition is ineffable.
I wonder what the camera really sees
I have the most forgiving heart you've ever known
I'm the most intense soul with whom you've ever connected
I can be the moodiest baby
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
You've never met anyone who can be as negative as me sometimes
You've never met anyone who can be as positive as me sometimes
I'm stronger than I give myself credit for
My downfalls have molded me
Never have you met anyone who is as stubborn as I am
I love the feeling of getting tattoos
I'm addicted to pain
and the numbness that follows
I'm convinced music is the only thing I could not live without
In times of trouble I have a tendency to flee
If you can calm my nerves you may have the key
My walls are higher than any you've ever seen before
I'm quietly outspoken
always seriously joking
I attempt to stay as far away from shy as possible
If you're a cute enough boy you may get me tongue tied
I'm my own biggest fan
I'm my own biggest critic
I like boys with clear minds
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
There's not anything to which you cannot relate
There's so much to which you cannot understand
I don't know a lot about everything
but I do know about the part of everything I do know
I'm just a girl with big dreams.
Living is easy with eyes closed
I want to experience
I want to see
I want to stop time in a box
I want the ability to love without fear
and the courage to go after what I desire
I will prove you wrong for my own satisfaction